Laughter and Forgetting, Climbing.

Good morning, sweet bluebirds!

Last night I got home from skiing (which was an amazing day in and of itself), made some veggies for dinner, made some tea, went on a run, played some guitar, and watched He’s Just Not That Into You in bed…I haven’t done something like that in awhile. Today I get to go to yoga at noon and hiking and climbing with Missoula’s Sweetheart, Jessica Lewis. And…to top it all off, I have dinner plans with Missoula’s cutest couple–Bailey and Andy. Cheers to a beautiful day. Somewhere in there I have to formulate a presentation on Nietzsche and critical reception of modern literature/video dealing with sexuality (I’ll write about that one when it’s done…it’ll be a doozy).

This morning, I sat and contemplated this quote over coffee:

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
Lao Tzu 

I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and how it is changing quickly. In a week, I’ll be in the Utah desert climbing with my best friend and role model…Travis Taylor!!! In a month, I’m graduating from college. In a month, I’m starting yet another season of hotshotting. In six months, I’ll be in Arizona doing things I love to do. And in ten months, I will be in Nepal having the experience of a lifetime. Somewhere in there, I’ll be skiing, working an easy coffee job, painting, and trying to create some semblance of rootedness in Missoula, MT. As much as I love my life and the way it has panned out so far, it is hard to be constantly moving. I haven’t been in the same place for six months straight for a long time. And I’ve figured out that I cling to family, home, and any sense of stability like I cling to a crimper on a slab when I’ve run out 30 feet from my last bolt.

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I can’t wait to climb with them.

The truth is, people like to be comfortable. And I’ve figured out that as much as I try to like being comfortable, it isn’t who I am. And that’s okay. I still have many years to screw my life up and go on adventures (with Carli Blankenship!) and have different jobs and commit to thousands of different things. I’ve never tried to hurt anyone and I never will. I’m a child. But I realize that

But a few things will never change: I will always paint, dance, sing, climb, find mountain tops, and love with all my heart and soul. Whether that’s a flaw, I know not.

And I haven’t changed since I was little. I used to pick flowers out of the garden and put them in my hair…and I still do that when I run or mountain bike on trails. I used to catch butterflies and keep them in my room in jewelry boxes. I used to hike with friends and paint my face with mud like war paint. I still do that. I don’t think I will ever grow up.

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.
Lao Tzu 

And like I can’t control the wind of the dust, I can’t control my own reality or the reality of others. That’s okay.

I wrote a poem a couple weeks ago, for YOU:

The Act of Laughter and Forgetting 

I know of a boy, and this boy likes to talk,
He told me the meaning of everything I’ve known.
He told me of life, of laughter, of pain
He told me of seasons, of music, of rain.
In the wind and the snow we would walk;
Sometimes I thought that we could’ve just—flown.
And Laughed.
He talked to me about dreams, about stars, about time,
And there never seemed to be enough time together.
This boy liked to sing, liked to run, liked to play
He showed me the meaning and joy of a day
Sometimes we got coffee; I was never on time
And then he was gone…floated away like a feather.
And Danced.
Now that this man, and a beauty of one he is,
sits on a gate, in a sort of distant place,
I crave his stories and his fluttering laughter
I treasure his smile, and all of its rapture
I like to think that we’ll be friends always, tomorrow, right now,
i love you forever–someway, somehow.
I am reading this again:
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Love her. Admire her. Want to be like her.
I have two 36×48 canvases in the shed. I can’t wait to spill laughter and color all over them. Passion.
One of them is for Bailey, and I don’t know who will get the other one. I have an idea.
Have a wonderful day…I love you all.
Love always,
J. Bird
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