Good morning, bluebirds! And Happy Sunday!
Last night and this morning I spent a lot of time sitting in meditation, which I haven’t really been able to do in awhile. I was reading this book by Lama Thubten Yeshe. One passage in particular stuck out to me:
We need not presume that all of the teachings of tantra were propounded by the Buddha during his historical lifetime. Rather, I think that the teachings of tantra could have also emerged through the extraordinary insights of highly realized individuals who were able to explore to the fullest extent the physical elements and the potential within the human body and mind. As a result of such investigation, a practitioner can attain very high realizations and visions, thus enabling him or her to receive tantric teachings at a mystical level. Therefore, when we reflect on tantric teachings, we should not limit our perspective by rigid notions of time and space. (The Dalai Lama, The World of Tibetan Buddhism).
I’ve been exposed to all this knowledge and I love spending hours reading obscure articles and books about it, but have no formal training in it; after all, I am only 20.
Awhile ago, I had a dream, vision, whatever you may call it. And I dream about it frequently. I still remember every detail of it vividly, and while at times it is comforting, sometimes it scares me and intimidates me. My dreams are normally not this visceral, and I am normally not one to accept the fact that other spheres of existence are entering into my intuitive faculties. I accept creativity, but generally have rejected the idea of visions or epiphanies. But this time I could not ignore it or write it off because it was real. I could write about it in detail, but I’m not going to because I think it was a vision only meant for me [at the time it was given to me]. The beauty of it is overwhelming–sublime and surreal. I had been feverishly reading books and articles on Tibetan Buddhism, deities, and visions. I found one article that talked about the things I had seen and felt, and I printed it out, carried it around in my backpack, and read it until it was tattered. I still had many questions on the meaning of it. I wondered if I was crazy…why this dream in specific had affected me so deeply.
Finally I had the chance to talk to somebody who may have known what it was and what it meant a couple weeks ago while I was in Portland. It was scary and exciting to hear what it was all about. I started reading about termas and how they come to be–how they are validated, how they belong to a specific lineage of knowledge, and how one is supposed to handle them. These visions and this knowledge is given to a person and is supposed to be kept until the time is right for it to be articulated in an appropriate and useful way. But hearing the power of it reaffirmed my purpose in life and gives me motivation to keep doing the things I want to do. Maybe my dream will come to be in a painting. Maybe a dance. Maybe a poem. I don’t know.
It is a gift, and at some point, it will be given to others.
Another word I read in The Bliss of Inner Fire is the word tummo (གཏུམ་མོ་).
“Inner fire is tummo in Tibetan, and the literal meaning of tummy is “brave female.” […] Tummo is courageous because it destroys all delusions and superstitions and female because it enables our subtlest level of consciousness to realize simultaneously born great blissful wisdom.” (22).
I think that, as a young woman, it is important to be brave–to make the most of each year…each moment. I know that I have a fiery personality (and temper), and that is something I need to work to control. But I also need to work on sticking up for myself, for speaking my mind. That’s important.
This week I will be working and hanging out at The Portneuf Sangha and spending time at the red gate with coffee and griffon. Today, I am chasing after antlers in cowboy boots and enjoying the beautiful weather in the Caribou-Targhee National Forest. We could leave for fires on Wednesday, so I really have no idea what my life will entail for the next few months! Exciting (but not really)!
I hope you all enjoy your Sunday. Read some good books. Go for a walk (or run!). Make some coffee cake and pomegranate spritzers. I don’t know.
I love you all–all your bright blue feathers!